13.03.2016, Sunday - 12.05 pm, it was the last called. I wake up early as he promised to call and update me before he enter. He keep saying 6 months is one short term to me but that word was actually to comfort himself. He called and remind me about how he will be missing me. He also said that all the things the he brought was the one that I shop with him. He put our ring in his wallet so that he will carry it all the time even under the sun. My letter and pictures are all in the bag. Then he said, "Please take care of yourself. Don't ever skip on meal. Take care of Ibu, En. Bear and his laptop. I will return in 6 months. Once I have permission to call, I'd give you a call. Please don't cry. Be strong. Umi gave you an advice to be strong. If you want to be an police officer wife you have to learn to be strong. Dont' worry Umi will tag you in any of my pictures. I love you. And where's my kiss?" that was our last conversation.
**typing this makes me crying but when he said it to me on phone I just smile and nodded**
During the last few days we spend together, we talked about out first met. Reminiscing how it all started, when does this love exists and grow and our like & dislike. What is our plans and future will be like. Promises were made between us and words that we aren't able to say were all said within that night. He even admit on not ready to let me go. He said I was his strength and now to let me go is far from ready. If I collapse so does he, therefore he asked me to be strong and willingly let him go. I asked him where is the guy that was so passionate and eager when he got accepted into the academy. Where is the guy that so happy sharing all the activities that he will be doing in the academy. Where is the guy that so upset when the registering date had to be postponed. I asked him again, where? If you have lost your passionate, eager and happy how am I supposed to let you go. I'm always here and will wait for you. You need to prove it to everyone and it's for our future too. Don't you remember you want me to be proud of you becoming a police officer? I want you to be my man. I promise again on what I said before. I try for our relationship.
I really thank Allah for giving us chances to spend more time together. If the date was not postponed I don't think I will be able to feel this deep love and yearning for him. Because of him, I able to open my heart to move on to the next level in relationship. For that I thank him. The thoughts of me getting married never occur in my mind but now I think I'm ready. Thank you sayang for making me feel really special. Thank you sayang for accepting who I am and what I am. Thank you for loving me like there's no tomorrow. Thank you for pampering me a lot. There is to many to thank and I can't even write it all out.
Sayang, you know how I like to jokes when you ask if I love you or not. You don't know how big this love has grow. I'm afraid to admit that I love you so much. I'm afraid of saying it because I might lose you. I fear of the upcoming hurt and scar that might not even exists. Believing in your words is what I really true wants but I need to realize that the reality might hit me hard. Even when I write this post I'm in tears. Not knowing your well being for the next 6 months is a torture for me. I know I gave you my word that I'll be strong. It's okay to cry right? Hoping everything will go smooth, I wish you all the best. I will wait for you.
Love you a lot,
Layna.
